INFJ Relationship Recommendations

A Personal Background: 

As an INFJ I have always been the psychic foreseer of truth. In all of my relationships, since the beginning, I have foretold the beginning of the end, and in most cases, what type of person he will ultimately end up with. In a relationship I ended some time ago, I knew the guy I was with would be a complete disappointment from the beginning, yet I went along with fulfilling his own desires because of the irrational fallacy of thinking he could fill the gaps of my own emotional solitary void through love. Call it a vision, call it common logic, or even tactfulness, and it happened to be the reason why I decided I needed to let go through a definitive door-slam. I had nothing more to say and my energy was expended. I have always been this individual that has tried to project a good sincere reflection of everything I have ever believed in. I work hard, get straight A’s, and have tried to uphold my values to reflect respect and truth, and continuously strive for self improvement on an almost obsessive level. Black and White emotions that translate to extremes are a way of life.

I grew up in a very matriarchal household of strong, independent women who have been through an infinite amount of hardships throughout their years. Both my grandmother and my mother symbolize resiliency, and the obstacles they have surpassed have been rewarded with stability, all done without losing sight of their kindness towards others yet being forceful enough to get their needs met. As ISFJ’s they have taught me balance in relation to their own past experiences, while always motivating and inspiring me to move through life effortlessly without looking back.

I also had a father who in my eyes, epitomized the qualities of what it means to be a man. My father, an ISTP, always knew how to expand his tiny Fe function whenever I needed it most to empathize with me to the best of his ability and never failed. He is a McGyver of sorts, very street smart, always working on cars, motorcycles, taking me to car shows, and figuring out solutions to life’s problems spontaneously.

I have learned valuable lessons from two serious failed relationships.

Special Recommendations for INFJ Relationships and Dating: 

-Our Idealism is a Double Edged Sword: 

It’s ok to Be idealistic: As a starting point, you need to choose someone with that same mentality of selflessness. As INFJ’s we need someone that can love us unconditionally yet is intuitive enough to know that our need for harmony can lead some of our feelings to go unheard of because we want to keep the honeymoon stage as long as possible. People who are kind and receptive do exist.  Do not give up on finding that right combination or settle for any less. Preferably, find someone that can balance your emotions and take you out of them quickly when needed whether that be through them listening to you or taking you out of your brain and into the tangible world.

Secretly, INFJ’s need a Rock of Gibraltar…. 

Yet, know that problems will arise. Idealism is a construct:  Nothing is perfect, and you should see the big picture of a dynamic rather than getting frustrated at details that can take a toll on a relationship if you make them any bigger. In other words, you have to know when you’re overstepping your idealistic bounds. Get your needs met in real time and do not let them go unheard. Make this a priority.

-In Dating, If something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t… The INFJ is never going to miss out. 

Focus on Patterns: Put your intuition on overdrive and come to a conclusion about a person in accordance to the underlying feelings you get, their nonverbal cues, and concrete facts about the integrity of their character. Do not be afraid to let go of someone if they’re not following through with their word before we become attached and find it really hard to not start excusing their behavior. Our energy is valuable and we cannot afford to go through a cycle of mind games. Use your Ni and your Ti to process the situation for what it is rather than how it feels and leave. 

-Find someone that exhibit certain traits of people you have known for years: 

Make Parallels: INFJ’s love learning. We love researching, writing, reading, spending countless hours taking in the world, and figuring out the best structure of how to best conduct our lives. In interpersonal relationships, we only have a few people who are near and dear to our hearts whom have stood the test of time. Those exact same people have taught us everything from the most basic lessons, to very superficial pursuits of fun, to revolutionary spiritual ideas that we have adopted ourselves to make sense of our experience here. Now write down one trait of each of those people, look at yourself, and ask yourself… how are they a reflection of me… and how am I a reflection of them? After you have a list,  seek someone that brings out those qualities and makes them a part of themselves too. Someone, who can be happily inclined to learn from you and wants to give you a part of themselves that you’re lacking also, but not forcefully. 

-Make Peace with your Paradoxes: 

Black, White and Gray, areas:Get a hold of your thoughts and make sense of them. Good, bad or neutral, you are an inspirational powerhouse capable of motivating people to a degree others are not even aware of. Although you may seem a bit mentally discombobulated, you actually make more sense than most people.. on paper.. and that is alright. Sometimes those black and white areas are necessary to regulate the magnanimity of what is going on. We shut down, we come back, and repeat. Accept yourself for what you are on the inside, on the outside, and even when you think your emotions are a toppling factor to your entire day, know that you’re only (sub) human haha. But seriously though, you’re not alone in this process and when you need to retreat do so and be productive while at it. Whomever is with us needs to know our solitude and affection go hand in hand, our happiness is effusive, our sadness is elusive, we are both detached and intuitive, but conversely..

The most important lesson for INFJ’s in relationships is that it is ok to be mean but never acceptable to be cruel. 

Nasrin